Blur of the Stars
by TrueLoveAlways16
Summary: Hollywood Heights. Loren/Eddie. Loren becomes someone she's not, all thanks to Kelly. Will her and Eddie survive? Bad summary, but hopefully better than it sounds!
1. Chapter 1

AN: another Leddie fic for all of you HH lovers out there! Hope you enjoy! Don't worry, I'll be updating the other Leddie fic of mine soon!

Blur of the Stars

Chapter 1: Losing Yourself

"I can't believe we're having this same fight," Loren shook her head, folding her arms across her body, sighing in exasperation, "what do you want from me, Eddie?"

Eddie shook his head, throwing his hands up in the air, "I want you to be true to who you are, Loren! This isn't you, none of it is. You know that."

Loren glanced at herself in the mirror, but turned back to face Eddie. She had changed so much over the past few weeks it was ridiculous. Loren stopped talking to Melissa. She had tried to warn Loren about Kelly just using her so she could change her and make her into something she wasn't, but Loren wouldn't hear any of it. Kelly had been her manager for years, so Loren just assumed Melissa was lying. Loren cut Melissa out of her life and hadn't spoken to her since. Loren had listened to everything her manager said. She changed her sound, her look, and even let a writer into the studio with her. Now, she was starting to become exactly the person that Kelly was changing her into. She was distant from her friends, family, and even Eddie didn't get to see her as much as he used to.

"I have to do this," Loren pleaded, "you have to understand that. Kelly's my manager."

Eddie sighed, running a hand through his hair, "I do understand that, but I need you to understand that none of this...fame, fortune, success, means anything if you aren't true to yourself."

They were fighting, again. It seemed like all they ever did was fight, but Loren never truly listened to what Eddie was saying. She was changing, truly changing herself because of what Kelly was telling her. Kelly was her manager and Loren had to listen to what she said. She knew what she was doing, even if Eddie seemed to disagree.

Loren sighed, walking to the door and opening it. She angrily gestured to the door, something she had never done before. Eddie stood in the same place; a little shocked at how Loren had become such a different person. Despite what he thought, he wouldn't give up on her. Even as Loren slammed the door and began to yell at him, Eddie vowed to himself that he would never give up on her.

"You never listen to me, Eddie! This is what I want."

"Really? This whole _edgy_ persona is what you truly want?" Eddie looked her up and down, not quite believing her as he began to gesture his hands at her new style "if it is, then I never knew you at all."

Loren groaned in frustration before starting to yell, "Then just leave! I can't _do_ this anymore. All we ever do is fight. I'm tired of fighting, Eddie."

Neither said anything for a few seconds, both hating how this was literally the same fight they had almost everyday. Except for once, Loren had had enough. She angrily grabbed her purse off the couch and threw it over her shoulder.

"Fine. If you won't say it, then I will. I'm done." She announced, looking Eddie straight in the eye. She quickly turned away and walked right out of Eddie's door, leaving a shell-shocked Eddie in her wake.

Crying as she made her way onto the elevator, Loren couldn't help but break down. She pulled the red button that stopped the elevator and slid to the floor. She couldn't believe that it had come to this. She never thought she would be the one to walk away from Eddie. Sobbing, she let herself lose it for merely a minute before quickly pulling herself together. She fixed her makeup before pushing the button to allow the elevator to move again.

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It had been weeks since either of them had seen each other. Loren was in her dressing room, getting ready to go do another show just a little outside of town when she found an old t-shirt that belonged to Eddie. She had always kept it with her because it still smelled like him and she would wear it while she was getting ready for a show. She immediately threw it in the box that was labeled 'Eddie's stuff' before continuing what she was doing. She couldn't stop thinking about him, although she couldn't say that she didn't try. She even tried dating other guys, but they weren't like him and when she noticed that, she couldn't stand being in the same room with them. Kelly was making her focus on work, but there was an ache in her heart that wasn't there before. She missed him so badly that it made her start to think that maybe he was right.

"No," Loren exclaimed, throwing the bowl of candy on the ground "Are you an idiot? I said blue, alright? I hate the green ones. They taste like shit,"

The assistant immediately ran out of the dressing room, causing Loren to sigh. She immediately looked in the mirror, eyes curious. There was a DVD taped to the mirror with a note. Half of her hoped it was from Eddie, but the other half knew better than that.

Loren picked up the note and read, _Just watch it. –Melissa_

She hadn't spoken to Melissa in who knows how long, but she watched it anyway. Loren pulled out her laptop and put in the DVD. A video of Loren and her rise of fame began playing. She smiled when she saw the part where she won Eddie's song contest. Unfortunately, the happy tone of the video didn't last for long. It went straight to a video of Kelly talking to a producer about how Loren and Eddie wouldn't make it as a couple for very long, because Loren was going to become someone different. Kelly explained on the video how she was going to change Loren so much that she wouldn't even remember what her old life was like. Loren couldn't believe it. Mel had tried telling her, but she didn't listen. That had been part of the reason why she hadn't talked to her. She had trusted Kelly and now she felt like an idiot. Kelly had been playing her the entire time. Loren angrily ejected the disc from her laptop and stood up. She had to find Kelly... this had gone on way too long. Fueled by anger, she marched out of the room to find Kelly.


	2. Chapter 2

Blur of the Stars

Chapter 2:

"Kelly." Loren finally found her manager sitting in a room with Jake and various staff, "We need to talk."

"Oh yeah? What's up, Superstar?" Kelly grinned, thinking that this was going to be just like an annual talk they do before every show.

"I want to go back to my old sound and my old look." Loren stated bluntly, crossing her arms as if daring Kelly to protest.

Jake and everyone else in the room immediately got up and left the room, sensing a fight about to happen.

Kelly raised her eyebrow as she stood up, "What? Why? You're getting so much attention and your album is selling—"

"I'm tired of this, Kelly! I'm tired of being someone that I'm not."

"Where's this coming from? Did you and Eddie have a fight again?" Kelly tried to act sympathetic but she was hoping that the two would break up soon so she could manipulate Loren to her heart's content. She had been trying to break them up for nearly two years. Although Kelly had gotten most of Loren's attention and changed her for the most part, that just wasn't enough for her.

"This isn't about Eddie," Loren snapped, ignoring the pain in her chest when she said his name, "this is about you changing me."

"This again? Loren, come on, go get ready for the show," Kelly rolled her eyes, she was used to Loren acting like a diva, "You're on stage in ten."

"No!" Loren exclaimed, "I will not go get ready, because I'm done with you, Kelly. You're fired."

Kelly rolled her eyes once more; sitting down and looking at her blackberry, "Just go get ready."

Loren let out a scream of frustration, "I'm not a child, Kelly! I'm twenty years old and you treat me like I don't know what I'm doing!"

"That's because you don't!" Kelly exclaimed, jumping back up, but lowering her voice when people began to look at them, "Just trust me, alright? I've gotten you this far, haven't I?"

Loren didn't respond, she walked right to the TV and put the disc into the DVD player and started it. Kelly stood in place, wondering if Loren had been drinking again. Just a few days ago, Loren had been caught drinking heavily in her dressing room after a show. Loren fast-forwarded past her winning the contest and hit play right as Kelly was entering the office. Loren turned to Kelly, who now looked like she had seen a ghost.

Loren exclaimed, "You had this planned from the very beginning, didn't you? To change me into something I'm not so that I would lose Eddie and everyone I care about just so you could get to the top."

Kelly stuttered, clearly not expecting what just happened, "I... I..."

Loren rolled her eyes, "You're shallow and manipulative, Kelly. I'm done with this and I'm done with you. I'm going to do the concert, but only for the fans. Not for you. I expect that you and all your stuff will be gone by the time the concert is finished."

Loren walked out of the room, feeling better than she had in months. She felt like she could breathe again. She kept walking until she got to her dressing room. Picking up her phone, she almost dialed Eddie's number but shook her head and put it back down. There would be time to talk to him, but it wasn't now. She had a few thousand fans to get to. She quickly changed into what she wanted to wear for the concert and went straight to the stage.

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Eddie stumbled back into his apartment, feeling the effects of the alcohol take over. He stripped his jacket, throwing it on the floor as he stumbled to the couch. That night he had officially thrown in the towel. He hadn't wanted to give up on her, but these past few weeks without her got him to see that she really did mean what she said. He had thought that she would immediately come running back to him, apologizing as she always did after they had a big fight. When she didn't, Eddie knew that he had lost her.

He saw her picture on magazines with other guys, rumors about them dating. He heard her new singles on iTunes, none of which even remotely sounded like the old Loren. He wasn't even sure which one had hurt him more, the fact that she was moving on from him or that she was officially a different person. He had loved her with everything he had, so at first he tried to stand back and let her make her own decisions. Her decisions, however, were definitely the wrong ones. She changed and not for the better. He wanted to help her see what Kelly was doing to her, but Loren had gotten so caught up in the lifestyle that she had forgotten who she was. She had been so blinded that she couldn't even recognize who was on her side, even though Eddie had been on her side from day one.

His phone went off, causing him to grumble and dig for it in his pocket. He pulled it out and squinted to see what it said.

Loren Tate fired her manager this evening, after seeing this video: click on the link below to watch! 

Eddie couldn't believe his eyes; she had finally fired Kelly. Without even thinking about it much, Eddie grabbed at his computer and immediately went to watch the video. His mouth dropped when he saw the video; he had been right the entire time. Kelly was just using Loren to get to the top. Shutting his computer down, he wondered how Loren was taking it. Obviously, not well if she had fired Kelly. Deciding that she needed some time, Eddie let himself pass out on the sofa, overcome with the amount of alcohol he had just consumed.

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The first thing Loren did after getting off the stage was go straight to her dressing room. While performing was fun, she needed a good cry. The past two years of her life had felt like a lie. Well, except for her relationship with Eddie. That had been the one thing she would never regret. She missed Eddie so much it hurt. Loren immediately locked her door and picked up her phone to call Eddie. She pressed the numbers that she had known by heart ever since they had started dating. Her finger hovered over the call button; would he even want to talk to her?

Deciding against it, Loren threw her phone on the couch and put her hands over her face. When did life get so complicated? After a few minutes of crying, Loren knew that she had to get Eddie back. Taking out her notebook, Loren began writing the song that hopefully would convince Eddie that she had been wrong and that she was sorry.


	3. Chapter 3

Blur of the Stars

Chapter 3

AN: Here's chapter 3! I'm so so sorry it took so long, college has been kicking my butt! Haha, anyway, hope you enjoy it! : )

After several long nights on the tour bus and the remainder of her small West coast tour, Loren was finally back in her hometown. Stepping off of the bus, she squinted and pulled her sunglasses over her eyes. It was early enough in the morning that not even the paparazzi were out, but the newly risen sun was brighter than Loren remembered it being at this time of morning. Loren sighed, suddenly realizing exactly where she wanted and _needed_ to go. Loren took off, not saying a word to anyone and immediately went to the car they had sent for her. She quickly got into the black SUV's driver seat and pulled away from the studio parking lot.

Loren pulled into the abandoned lot and quickly got out. Shivering, Loren pulled her light jacket closer to her as she walked closer to the spot that she hadn't been in what felt like years, but had only been a few months. She sat down on the ledge, feeling a sense of calm wash over her as she took in the sight of LA. She couldn't remember the last time she had gotten to do this; to just sit and think. After firing Kelly, the studio was obviously pissed at Loren, even after seeing the video. Thankfully, Jake had come to her rescue and stood up for her. Loren hadn't been released from the studio, but she was definitely not on their good side at the moment. As she sat there, she couldn't bring herself to care.

A light breeze started to flow through the air, causing Loren to close her eyes and take a deep breath. It felt good to finally be able to relax after the hectic few months that she had just endured.

Her cell phone went off and suddenly the peaceful silence was broken. Feeling more than a little pissed off because she had barely gotten any sleep and now someone was calling her when she was finally getting a moment of peace, Loren had half a mind to throw the iPhone off the cliff. The rational side of her decided against it and immediately pulled it out to see who it was.

"Eddie's Dad" Loren mumbled out loud, "What in the world... surely he knows about..."

She cut herself off and before she had time to answer, the phone quit ringing. Loren decided she wouldn't call back unless he left a voicemail. Placing the phone on the ground next to her, she looked back out to LA. A loud ding went off signaling that Loren now had a new voicemail.

Loren picked it up and pressed a few times on the touch-screen before holding it up to her ear.

"Loren, it's Max Duran. Well, of course you know who it is, you have caller ID and all that," Loren listened as he rambled, feeling her lips tug up in a small smile. She hadn't talked to him since the breakup with Eddie and it now hit her how much she had missed him. If she was being honest with herself, she had missed both of the Duran boys, actually. Feeling her heart ache, Loren intentionally focused back onto what Max was saying, "I'm sorry to call so early, but it's... it's your mom. She's been sent to the hospital, but don't-"

Suddenly, Loren's world tumbled around her. At that moment, she felt like the world's worst daughter. When had been the last time she talked to her mother? She racked her brain. Had it been Christmas or even Valentine's Day? It was now nearly the end of July and Loren couldn't remember. She had never gone so long without talking or seeing her mom before. Feeling tears swell up in her eyes, Loren choked back a sob and immediately stood up. Her heart pounded in her chest as she ran back to her car. Fumbling with the keys, she cursed when she dropped them. She picked them up quickly and unlocked the car. Not a minute later, Loren was racing towards the hospital with tears flowing down her face.

Loren parked the car in a nearby parking spot near the ER and jumped out of the car. She raced into the ER, not even caring about those who recognized her and were immediately coming towards her to see if it was really her.

"Hi, how can I help you?" The cheery nurse smiled at her and Loren felt like smacking her.

"Hi, um, I'm looking for my mom... Nora Tate. I got a call saying she was here." Loren stumbled over her words, suddenly feeling more like a 10-year-old rather than the grown woman she was.

The nurse typed on the keyboard for a minute or two before looking up at Loren and saying, "Room 519, it's—"

"I know where it is, thank you!" Loren immediately rushed off towards the main part of the hospital. Loren's brain kept her thinking the worst, her heart beating faster at every thought.

She found her mother's room not even ten minutes later. She stood outside the door, looking into the room through the small window in the door to find her mother smiling and laughing with Max Duran. Loren sighed deeply, feeling relief flow throughout her body. Her mother was okay. Well, other than the broken leg that she had seen being rested on a pillow, Loren came to the conclusion that she was okay. She placed a hand on her heart and slid down the wall closest to her mother's door. She held her head in her hands as she relished in the fact that, despite all of Loren's worry and guilt, her mother was fine.

She heard footsteps and immediately looked up, regretting it when her eyes met Eddie's. Eddie came to a stop, standing there with two cups of coffee in his hands and nearly dropped them when he saw her there. She didn't look the same as the last time he saw her. She looked... exhausted and worn-out, but her extensions were gone and so was the weird, almost Goth-like make-up. There, sitting against the wall with bloodshot eyes, sat Loren, the _real_ Loren... Eddie's Loren. He wanted to hold her, tell her that her mom was okay, but he didn't do either. She walked out on him, not the other way around and he had to keep reminding himself of that.

Loren felt the lump in her throat and knew it was all because of Eddie. She wiped the tears away from her eyes as she stood up to face the one person she hadn't expected to be here. _I should have known, _her conscious reminded her, _Eddie is a good person, he wouldn't abandon mom, even though I broke his heart. Nothing like how I had stopped talking to Max as soon as I walked out on Eddie._

"Hi," She muttered, feeling like a thousand weights were on her chest as she spoke, "Your, uh, dad called me this morning."

She looked at the floor rather than at Eddie. He didn't respond, but he turned and walked through the hospital room door. He had heard her, she was sure of that, but he completely ignored her. Not that she blamed him, though. She felt like the worst person in the world and it was only eight in the morning. Loren sighed, knowing she deserved every bit of the silent treatment. She ran a hand down her face and felt like she had aged twenty years in the past twenty minutes. The guilt was eating her alive and she knew she had to fix this... with her mom, Eddie (especially Eddie), Mel, and Max. She wanted her life back. She wanted her _family_ back.

Just as she was about to slide back down the wall and wallow in her guilt, Eddie opened the door and turned to her and said, "She's asking for you."

Loren's head snapped up at the sound of his voice. Her heart had ached for it for months and now here he was. Speaking to her, nicely and politely. Despite everything she had done to him, he was the same old Eddie that she had known and loved. The thought made her heart hurt worse than before. All Loren could do was nod and follow him into her mother's hospital room.

All voices stopped as soon as Loren walked through the door. Loren took a deep breath as she approached her mother in months.

"Hi, mom," Loren muttered, feeling the guilt in her chest come back and hit her like a ton of bricks when her mother smiled up at her and greeted her as if nothing was wrong.

"Hi, Loren. How are you?" Nora smiled.

"You look well," Max complimented, offering her a smile as well.

The weight on her chest tripled at both her mother and Max's words. Loren felt like she couldn't breathe. Here she was after months of abandoning everyone she loved and they offered her nothing but kindness and politeness. She deserved none of it and she knew it.

"I'm..." Loren paused, fumbling with her hands as she spoke, a nervous habit that she hadn't stopped, "I'm good, mom. What...what happened to you?"

Loren watched as her mother laughed and rolled her eyes, "Max here decided—"

Max interrupted her, waggling his finger at her playfully as they began arguing, "No, no, no... don't start with 'Max'... this wasn't 'Max's fault, Nora Tate..."

Loren smiled softly as she listened to the couple argue playfully and she moved to sit down in the chair on the other side of her mother's bed. She looked up only to find Eddie looking at her. She squirmed and looked immediately back at her mother.

"So, I ended up falling down the stairs..." Loren's mother laughed, "you know how clumsy I am, Loren."

Loren laughed softly, "Yeah, I know, Mom. You passed the trait onto me, remember? Remember that one time we were standing in the middle of the grocery store and I just fell down?"

"How could I forget?" Nora laughed happily, remembering the memory well, "I looked down and suddenly you were fine and not two minutes later you had slipped over a supposedly 'wet spot' on the floor."

"It was wet!" Loren defended herself, laughing as she did, "There was a sign..."

Nora raised her eyebrows at her daughter, "Oh yeah, well what about that time you..."

The mother and daughter continued reminiscing throughout the morning and into the early afternoon. When Eddie and Max had left to grab them all some lunch, Loren took the time to truly apologize to her mother.

"Mom, I just want to say how sorry I am. I was such a bad daughter to you. I never called nor did I ask to see you. I... I'm so sorry, mom. It's been months and I never even checked on you. I'm so sorry." Loren choked up near the end, feeling tears form behind her eyes.

Nora sighed, grabbing Loren's hand in hers, "Loren, you've never been a bad daughter. It's okay... you're a grown woman now and you need freedom. I understand that you also need to make your own decisions. You don't need me like you did when you were little. I'm okay with that."

Loren started to protest but Nora continued speaking, "Lo, it's okay to not need me as much. I do want you to call more often, though, just because I worry about you. We don't have to hang out all the time, but I would like to see you more. Could we do that, now?"

Loren immediately nodded, "Of course, mom! I wanted to see you... it's just... It... it wasn't my choice to never see you. Kelly... she made me. And that sounds like the worst excuse, I know, but she never would give me the time off to come see you or even Eddie. She had me working constantly. That sounds horrible, doesn't it? I couldn't come see my own mother because my manager wouldn't let me." Loren hung her head in shame and placed it in her hands.

"Loren," Loren's mother's tone said it all; she was disappointed with her, "That isn't your fault. I've heard and seen what Kelly," she spat out Loren's ex-manager's name as if it was poison, "has done for you and it's not worth it. The fame, the money, you realize that none of it is worth it if you don't get to live your life the way you want to, right? This is your life, not Kelly's. You need to tell her that. You can't let her run all over you for the rest of your career or even your life."

Nora's speech reminded Loren of the last fight between Eddie and her. Eddie had been right all along, and while she had realized it months ago after firing Kelly, hearing her mother say it all out loud made her finally able to come to terms with what Kelly had done to her. While it wasn't okay, Loren had made her peace with it and had moved on from it. Now, all she needed to do was make amends with those she loved and everything would be perfect.

"So I've been told," Loren muttered before finally telling her mother the good news.

"I fired her about two months ago. The beginning of my tour, actually." Loren smiled softly.

"Good for you!" Nora grinned, raising her arms in delight,"Oh, that just made my whole day. The witch is finally gone! Hallelujah!"

Loren laughed, "Yeah, she finally is... I promise, nothing is going to come between us anymore, mom. Nothing."

Nora squeezed her hand tightly, "Good. I'm glad you've finally stood up for yourself and that you're finally going to make time to see your mother," Nora gave her a teasing look, causing Loren to smile, "Now that we have that squared away... onto another thing we have to discuss... Eddie."

Loren sat back in the chair, attempting to keep her tone light and not reveal how much she was still hurting, "What about him?"

Nora gave her daughter a look, telling her that she wasn't fooling her, "You still love him."

For what seemed like the millionth time that day, Loren balked in surprise, "What? Mom, no, I—"

"You can't sit there and tell me you don't, Loren Elizabeth Tate. I've sat here all day and watch you sneak glances at that boy when you thought no one was looking. I know you better than you know yourself. You love him and you miss him."

Loren felt her throat tighten up, "Well, it's not like it matters anymore. I've been a complete idiot. He kept trying to tell me that Kelly was changing me but I never believed him and now..." Loren shook her head, her voice cracking at the end of her speech, "I don't know what to do, mom."

Nora shot her daughter a sympathetic look, "Oh, baby, come here." Loren got into bed carefully with her mother and lay down next to her. Nora stroked Loren's hair softly, "You're not an idiot, Loren. You just made a mistake... you're human, we all are, we all make them. It's not about the mistakes; it's about how you fix them. That's what's most important in life. Learning from the mistakes you make and fixing them."

Loren took her mother's wise words in and realized that she had missed these talks more than anything.

"You're one wise woman," Loren muttered, "I love you, mom."

"I love you, too, Loren." Her mother replied softly.

The guilt felt a little less after their heart-to-heart, but Loren knew she still had a few more relationships to mend before she could attempt to let go of the guilt she held so close to her.

"So, you're back in LA... I heard you recently were on tour."

Loren jumped and nearly spilt her freshly poured cup of coffee at the sound of a voice. She turned to see who it was, even though by the way her heart skipped a beat she already knew. She knew she needed to say something, but she couldn't help but stare at him.

"Um, yeah, I just got back this morning, actually," Loren finally replied, feeling like a nervous teenager talking to her long-time crush rather than her ex-boyfriend.

Eddie nodded, leaning up against the door of the small break room. He kept his face neutral, but he was feeling just as nervous as Loren, if not more.

Loren stirred two packs of sugar into her coffee before finally sitting down and taking a sip of it. Loren looked up to see Eddie weighing his options. If you didn't know him, you wouldn't have been able to tell, but Loren dated him for years so she knew all his signs.

"Do you want to... sit down?" Loren gestured to a chair, but her hand was shaking so she put it back in her lap.

"Yeah," Eddie muttered then realized she hadn't heard him so he repeated it louder, "Yeah, that sounds good, actually. I've been standing all day."

Before Loren could even think about what she was saying she had already spoken it, "that's probably not good for your back, Eddie,"

Loren looked like a deer in headlights as she watched Eddie freeze as he pulled back his chair. She hadn't meant to let it slip out, but as the saying goes... old habits die-hard.

After a few seconds of silence, Loren started rambling, "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that... I wasn't thinking."

Loren hated how awkward she felt around him. Finally, Eddie moved to sit down, even though Loren honestly thought he would have stormed out of the room after her comment. They made a few more comments of small talk before the conversation died down once again.

Loren looked down at her coffee, stirring as she pretended to be lost in thought.

"This sucks,"

Loren jumped at Eddie's loud comment and she looked up at him to see him staring right at her.

"What is? That my mom broke her leg? Yeah, I mean, it does but she's alright and that's all that—" She knew that wasn't what he was talking about, but she thought she would just pretend like she didn't knew. It might make things easier if she avoided the topic as long as possible. Unfortunately for her, Eddie was done with tip-toeing around their past relationship.

"This!" Eddie gestured between him and her angrily, the fire in his eyes that she hadn't seen in so long, "between us... we used to be best friends, and obviously more than that, Loren, and now we're making awkward small talk and you won't even _look me in the eyes_ anymore!"

Loren felt her hands shaking from nervousness, but said nothing. She dropped her eyes to the coffee, but then Eddie slammed his hand on the table causing her coffee to topple over and spill all over her. She immediately stood up, letting a few curse words out of her mouth.

"Damn it, Eddie," She muttered, grabbing napkins off the nearby table and swipe fiercely at the newly stained top. She finally stopped, glaring down at him.

"What do you want from me, Eddie? I... broke up with you. I _left you_, for goodness sakes. You shouldn't even be talking to me. Just go." Loren felt her voice shaking, her heart beating louder at every word she spoke.

Eddie angrily stood up from the table and walked closer to her, making her walk backwards to avoid him touching her. She didn't know why, because she had longed for him for months and here he was... close enough for her to touch and she didn't feel like she deserved it.

"Leave? You think _leaving _is the way to solve everything, don't you?" Eddie exclaimed, glaring angrily at her until he realized what he had said. His eyes grew wide and his mouth dropped at his own stupidity. Loren took a shaky breath and looked up at him.

How dare he bring up leaving, knowing what a sore subject that was for her considering her father left her and her mother when she was younger. Loren could feel the anger ranging in her, but she didn't get to scream at him for what he had said. She didn't deserve that right and she knew it, so she swallowed what she could of her anger and glanced back at her ex-boyfriend with as much calmness as she could muster.

"It's fine, Eddie," Loren lied, knowing he could see right through it, "what's done is done. We can't turn back."

She was talking more about their relationship rather than her father, but she knew it applied to both.

"I'm sorry," Eddie breathed, "I didn't mean to—"

"Just stop, Eddie," Loren interrupted, sliding past him and throwing away her now empty coffee cup, she turned to face him again, and added, and "you don't need to apologize, you haven't done anything wrong."

Just as Loren turned to leave she heard him say, "Then why did you leave?"

Loren froze in the doorway of the break room. Her head was pounding as she tried to come up with a response. She turned to face him, but she still had no answer for him.

She swallowed, looking him deep in the eyes, "I honestly don't know what to tell you, Eddie."

"The truth," Eddie immediately responded, staring at her with those big brown eyes that she had loved... she still loved.

"I..." she was still at a loss for words, "I can't do this right now, Eddie. I got to go."

She nearly sprinted out of the room. As much as she wanted Eddie back, she couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't worth it. She didn't deserve his forgiveness or getting him back. As soon as she left, she felt herself begin to break down. She willed herself to pull it together to say goodbye to her mom. She quickly made her way into her mother's room and saw that both Max and Nora were sound asleep. Smiling softly, Loren kissed her mother on the forehead and then wrote a small note on the napkin left beside Nora's bed. Within the next few minutes, Loren was out of the hospital and on her way back to her new apartment.

As soon as she got there, however, all she could think about was Eddie. How Eddie would have liked her new apartment. How he would probably be sprawled out on the sofa, taking a nap or maybe writing a new song on the piano. Loren groaned, mentally scolding herself. Flashbacks of her time with Eddie kept coming as Loren lay on the sofa, attempting to sleep. After nearly an hour, Loren finally gave up on sleep and decided to work on the song she was writing for Eddie. She knew she wouldn't get him back, but she just wanted him to know how sorry he was. Yet, before she knew it, the song was about getting back together. She fought with herself over the song for hours, but she knew that it was really what she wanted. Her true feelings always managed to come out through song.

The song she was writing for Eddie was nearly finished and it would only be a matter of time before she performed it at either MK or...well, that was really the only place Loren could think of that she knew for sure that Eddie would be.

A few days later, Max called Loren again.

"Hey, Loren, how are you?" He was being polite again, and nothing like how she had seen him be towards Chloe after her breakup with Eddie.

"I'm good, what about you, Max? Treating my mother well?" Loren teased.

"Of course I am!" Max let out a hearty laugh before responding, "She really enjoyed seeing you the other day, Loren."

"Well, I enjoyed seeing her, too." Loren muttered, then a thought popped into her head while she had Max on the phone, "Max, I, uh, was wondering... not that you owe me any favors at all, but... is there any chance that I could perform at MK soon? I have a new song that I really want Eddie to..." she realized her mistake just a little too late, "hear."

It was silent on the other end of the phone and Loren was nearly beating herself up over it. She shouldn't have even asked. After everything she had done, she was now asking for favors. Just when she thought all hopes of Eddie forgiving her were lost, Max spoke.

"You're not going to pass out on stage again, are you?"

Loren let out a breathy laugh in relief, "Max, you have no idea how much this means to me. I just want to say how sorry I am for everything. I know there's another Duran that I need to say all this to, but I wanted you to know that I'm sorry I never kept in contact with you or came to visit. I just thought that after what I did..."

"Loren, you can always come to me, you know that. Now, I don't know all the details about your breakup with Eddie, but I just want you to know that I'm glad you're your old self again. Eddie has missed you terribly, even though he won't admit it. You're the best for him, Loren. Just like he is for you."

"I don't know about that, but I do know that he's what's best for me. It took me a a while to catch up, but I think I realized that Eddie is it for me, Max. Thank you so much. I don't deserve anything from you, but you never give up on me. I'm so so sorry for everything."

"And I won't." Max's voice was stern, but loving, "You don't have to apologize anymore, Lo. What's done is done. It's all forgotten and forgiven."

That brought tears to Loren's eyes, "Thanks, Max."

The two talked for a while longer, catching up before they finally decided on a date in which Loren could perform.

"I have a good feeling that Eddie will be at MK tomorrow night," Max spoke and Loren could tell he was smirking.

Loren blushed, even though he couldn't see her, "Tomorrow night would be perfect. Thank you, again, Max. For everything."

The two hung up and Loren felt herself smiling for the first time in who knows how long.

The night was finally here. Loren was back at MK after so long that she had nearly forgotten what it looked like. After her breakup with Eddie, she had sworn off the bar, but now that she was back inside she couldn't believe she had ever done that. She had missed MK more than anything. She glanced across the room to see Eddie just now entering the club. Well, maybe not anything.

She quickly made her way backstage so Eddie wouldn't see her and possibly leave. Loren was nearly shaking with nerves, but she knew she had to do this. She _wanted_ to do this. After half an hour, Loren knew that it was time.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have a special treat for you tonight. Miss Loren Tate is here to sing a new song for us! Give it up for Loren!" Max introduced her and suddenly Loren felt like that teenage girl from all those years ago when she ran out on stage at the singing contest. Nervously, Loren finally made her way onto the stage.

"Hi guys," Loren called over all the screaming and applauding, squinting under the bright lights, "I'm here to sing a special song to let someone know... I'm sorry. Also, I hope that that person gets the answers they want from this song. "

She locked eyes with Eddie and then went to sit at the piano. This was her response to his question a few days ago at the hospital and as she looked out over the crowd of people and saw him, she could tell that he knew.

"This is called back to December. I hope you all like it."

_I'm so glad you made time to see me_

_How's life? Tell me, how's your family?_

_I haven't seen them in a while_

_You've been good, busier than ever_

_We small talk, work and the weather_

_Your guard is up, and I know why_

_Because the last time you saw me_

_Is still burned in the back of your mind_

_You gave me roses, and I left them there to die_

_So this is me swallowing my pride_

_Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night_

_And I go back to December all the time_

_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you_

_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine_

_I go back to December, turn around and make it alright_

_I go back to December all the time_

Loren looked up from the piano to see Eddie standing up. Her heart crashed in her chest. He was leaving and he wanted nothing to do with her. She barely kept herself from crying as she continued the song.

_These days, I haven't been sleeping_

_Staying up, playing back myself leaving_

_When your birthday passed, and I didn't call_

_Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times_

_I watched you laughing from the passenger side_

_And realized I loved you in the fall_

_And then the cold came, the dark days_

_When fear crept into my mind_

_You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye_

_So this is me swallowing my pride_

_Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night_

_And I go back to December all the time_

_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you_

_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine_

_I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind_

_I go back to December all the time_

Eddie was now frozen in spot by the bar, right beside Max and Nora. Max gave Loren thumbs up, encouraging her to continue. She felt herself give into the music and finally felt herself again for the first time in months.

_I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile_

_So good to me, so right_

_And how you held me in your arms that September night_

_The first time you ever saw me cry_

_Maybe this is wishful thinking_

_Probably mindless dreaming_

_But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right_

_I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't_

_So if the chain is on your door, I understand_

_This is me swallowing my pride_

_Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night_

_And I go back to December_

_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you_

_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine_

_I go back to December, turn around and make it alright_

_I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind_

_I go back to December all the time, all the time_

Loren heard the crowds screams and applause but all she could think of was Eddie. Did he like it? Did he understand what she was trying to say? She stood up and searched for his face, but she couldn't see him. Heartbroken, she knew he left. Loren managed a smile and a wave before walking off stage. She bit her lip to keep from crying as she handed her microphone to a stagehand and made her way to the couch.

To her surprise, someone was blocking her path. She looked up to see the one person she wasn't expecting.

"Eddie," Loren croaked out in surprise, blinking back tears.


End file.
